enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
