Your face is a jimmy john
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
whose parrot is this?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
