Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
