The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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