i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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