i think my tv is drunk
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
