i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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