so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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