Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
