Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
