all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
