Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
