you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
