I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
