I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I need a burrito and a hug.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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