theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
