I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
