Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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