so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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