Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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