ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just pee around me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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