so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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