I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
