If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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