can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
