She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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