Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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