Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
