If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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