Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
