I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Randomize
