youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
