somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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