I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
