Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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