is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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