My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Still dying that you shit outside
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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