Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
