Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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