I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
