When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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