let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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