I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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