i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
