My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
