I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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