You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
