im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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