We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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