I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We smell like vodka and hangover
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
