Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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