Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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