idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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