So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
