Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
