dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
