Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
