That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
