okay pat passed out under dana's car
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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