What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
