So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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