The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
