What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
