she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
