Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
id be glad to
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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