I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
