ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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