Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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