Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
