I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
