I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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