If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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