I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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